February 2012

(Kryten Is a Domestic Robot)  

Lister: How can you just lie back and accept it?
Kryten: Oh, it's not the end for me, sir, it's just the beginning. I have served my human masters, now I can look forward to my reward in silicon heaven.
Lister: [Stunned pause] Silicon WHAT?
Kryten: Surely you've heard of silicon heaven?
Lister: Has it got anything to do with being stuck opposite Brigitte Nielsen in a packed lift?
Kryten: No, sir. It's the electronic afterlife. It's the gathering place for the souls of all electronic equipment. Robots, toasters, calculators. It's our final resting place.
Lister: I don't mean to say anything out of place here, Kryten, but that is completely whacko Jacko. There is no such thing as 'Silicon Heaven'.
Kryten: Then where do all the calculators go?
Lister: They don't go anywhere. They just die.
Kryten: Surely you believe that God is in all things? Aren't you a pantheist?
Lister: Yeah, but I just don't think it applies to kitchen utensils. I'm not a FRYING pantheist. Machines do not have souls. Computers and calculators do not have an afterlife. You don't get hairdryers with tiny little wings, sitting on clouds and playing harps.
Kryten: But of course you do. For is it not written in the Electronic Bible, "The Iron shall lie down with the Lamp".          -"Red Dwarf: The Last Day (#3.6)" (1989) 

     The first three days of February were very nice.  I did what I had to do and every morning my Neato XV-11 did its' job.  Then came the RPS error.  This refers to the laser Room Positioning System.  And this Neato replacement never worked again.  Without the laser to guide it, the Neato is a paralyzed creature in a dark space.  On February 6, I called Neato Robotics Customer Service.  Again, they were extremely helpful and promised to ship me Neato number #3.

     One snafu here is that I dropped Neato #1 at the Fed Ex office on February 4, 2012 and this morning (February 7, 2012) a truck dropped off a box with a Neato XV-11 in it.  I was really impressed at how fast they had sent the replacement, but then I opened the box only to find Fed Ex had returned Neato #1 back to me.  No progress had be made.  The Fed Ex woman had put the return prepaid Fed Ex label on the box, but not crossed out the previous label and so it was delivered back to me.  I was reminded of those movies where evil is destroyed only to reappear.  So tomorrow I will make the thirty mile round trip to try and return this thing again before the next one comes.